the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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