Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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