Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
