If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
