Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
