I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
