This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
