so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize