Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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