Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
