Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
