The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
