im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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