Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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