There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
