As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
