Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize