While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
