Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
