wrigley field is MILF paradise
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
