I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize