we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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