Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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