Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
