Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
