i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
