Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
