barbara walters just said penis...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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