how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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