They should really pass out barf bags in church
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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