Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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