You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
