you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
