Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
