oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
