were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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