so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
