ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
