he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The Olympian is in my bed
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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