Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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