I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
