made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
