her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
