bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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