I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
