She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
