So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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