i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
