i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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