You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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