Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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