weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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