wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
