Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
