P.S. I can't hear my feet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
