those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
