What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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