he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We are two peas in an std pod
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
