He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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