My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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