he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
