You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
