you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I love having hate sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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