that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He shit in the fireplace
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