I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
this beer tastes like vomit already
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
