I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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