I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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