pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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