Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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