Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
