I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize