if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's the barista slut.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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